BEHIND THE GLASSES - Meta version<BR>
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With appologies to everybody not mentioned.<BR>
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With appologies to everybody mentioned, as well...<BR>
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The cheering, whisteling, joyously chattering members of the audience had finally calmed down, when the lights were turned off, curtain raised, spot activated and two figures clad in black arrived. 'No reason to get excited', one of them kindly spoke, 'I know thereīre many here among us, who think that fandom's but a joke. The two of us are in it and you all know our names." The audience was chanting now, said: "You are Quinn and Jane".<BR>
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And they were.<BR>
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Quinn and Jane they were and clad in black as I have said before.<BR>
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In the canter of the stage they stood, calming down the audience once more, delighted by the friendly atmoshpere that still prevailed. The one that went by the name of Jane began to speak amplified by powerful devices, so that each and every person seated in the crowded theater could hear her soothing words. She spoke of was and when introducing the people, that were the focal point of admiration and the halls resounded with the names of heroes. We shall call them out, one by one say: Daria, say: Tom say: Dude with walkman and so on. When the long list of characters had ended, there was silence and Quinn opened her cute, mauve lipsticked and non-operated mouth to speak with unheard sophistication on form. 'Alas my friends. īTis prose, and prose it is. But prose alone can not do justice to the remarkable range of expression Daria fandom has brought forth. So let us switch to script making us feel the speed of TV while reading.'<BR>
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JANE: OK, everybody. Hereīs our first discussion round Ruthless Bunny and Thomas discuss the basic form of writing.<BR>
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[the audience applauds and the participants step up on stage. Bunny wears a provocant "You are dead" T-shirt, while Thomas wears an unironed shirt.]<BR>
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JANE: Ms. Bunny. You caused quite a stir a while back when you attacked conventional script based fiction, like the one you are a character of right now. Please tell us why.<BR>
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BUNNY: I usually try to help people with their writing. I am after all an English teacher at heart. Hell, I'm even an English teacher in real life. The main problem with the script format is, that it neiter real script, as used in real movie productions, nor very good in conveying emotions. See, a TV series shows you the actors interpretation of a script and therefore it is paintig a far more detailed picture than the script alone. If you want to create something that can be equal to the show in intensity, you have to resort to prose.<BR>
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JANE: On the other hand, Thomas won the fanfic throwdown with a script based fic. His work is widely appreciated and he was called the best late fanfic writer by the Lester Bangs of Daria fandom. Whatīs your opinion on the matter.<BR>
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THOMAS: I donīt think form is all that important, what counts is the content and in-character writing. Thatīs why you only came second in the throwdown. Your style might have been better, being a native speaker and all, but my story was funnier and closer to the show. Itīs as simple as that.<BR>
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JANE: Youīve both made interesting points. Iīd like to hear what Daria and Tom have to say about them, because quite frankly: Iīm not the expert on literature, they are. So please welcome Daria and Tom.<BR>
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[cheers from the audience, Daria and Tom step on stage, dressed the way they were in the final part of PC]<BR>
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JANE: Youīve heard Bunny and Thomas. What do you say?<BR>
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DARIA: If only the content and its conformity to some rules did matter, Brittany would be a better author than I...<BR>
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THOMAS: Hey, I wrote that story!<BR>
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DARIA: And still call yourself canon writer.<BR>
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TOM: At least he doesnīt hook you up with some other guy. Plus: Cool name.<BR>
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DARIA: There is that. And heīs eyecandy. [beat] So in conclusion: I agree with Thomas.<BR>
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BUNNY: Wait a minute. You were about to agree with me and then you change your opinion, because he -admittedly- looks good? Isnīt that unfair? Isnīt that even sexist, since I as a girl am not even in the running?<BR>
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JANE: I wouldnīt bet on THAT.<BR>
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THOMAS: Daria judging people by their looks? Jane batting both teams? Everybody ist totally OOC!<BR>
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[the curtain falls, damped sounds fill the room, glass breaks etc. There appears a spot at the center of the stage and Quinn steps out.]<BR>
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QUINN: This was... Interesting. Anyway, we now face a no less explosive mix of discutantees. Welcome with me, discussing Message board policies: the Paperpusher, creator of the PPMB where the winter after the summer after the summer of love never ends and SUSU, the guy who took 15 minutes to set up the SRMB or whatever.<BR>
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[audience stopms and cheers]<BR>
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QUINN: Mr. Pusher, your board became the most important meeting place for Daria fans, when the ODMB disappeared due to the "foxing" of Outpost Daria. Basically the board is supervised by a group of fans with administrative powers, the so called elves, who enforce the board rules.<BR>
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PAPERPUSHER: Thatīs right.<BR>
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QUINN: Why do you think, the board needs this kind of moderatation?<BR>
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PAPERPUSHER: Daria fandom attracts a great number of people and this group is very diverse. Some people take attacks on the m personal and we wanted to create a safe place, where they can discuss their fandom. As you can see the system has worked well for a long time, while the unmoderated BBB vanished after a short time, destroyed by flame wars.<BR>
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QUINN: SUSU, you created the SRMB shortly after the BBB was out of business...<BR>
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SUSU: Right away is more like it. When the BBB close its doors I set up the SRMB to give those people a home who had come to the BBB from the PPMB, because they found the atmosphere there too restrictive.<BR>
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PAPERPUSHER: Well, itīs my board and I have every right to restrict it to create a safe environment.<BR>
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SUSU: You have. I donīt deny this at all. But Daria fandom needs and unrestricted board, if only to allow people to discuss NC-17 fics. The SRMB is not the place itīs sometimes said to be. There are people who like their criticism raw and unabridged, but if you donīt take it too personal, remember that tastes differ and controversy is better than boredom, youīll get along fine.<BR>
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PAPERPUSHER: What about the attacks on Ben, Canadibrit and Sailor Danielle? They were pretty personal, werenīt they?<BR>
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SUSU: Depends on you definition of personal. Ben and CB were mainly targets because of TLAS, a series which was praised a lot by other people. The same goes for SD or Wouter, they were called great by many people. Iīm not going into this too much now, because you know who will talk to you know who else about you know what later, but a free community allows dissenting opinions and your restrictions on criticism disqualify your board for the sole home of a free Daria community.<BR>
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PAPERPUSHER: Still a lot of people prefer the PPMB over the SRMB.<BR>
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SUSU: Which doesnīt bother me the least. The SRMB wasnīt made with them in mind. The group of people who need an unrestricted board use it.<BR>
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QUINN: This talk is getting really boring and stuff, so Iīd like to ask two people who know about rules to come up and join the discussion: Angela Li and Helen Morgendorffer.<BR>
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[ovations]<BR>
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QUINN: Ms. Li, do you think the enforcement of rules is necessary for a civilized discussion?<BR>
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LI: Of course. A discussion has to have rules that prevent wild and revolutionary thoughts to cause trouble.<BR>
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QUINN: Do you have an example for such thoughts?<BR>
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LI: Letīs see. Last week we had a debate about the school budget and we kept Mr. DiMartino out, because we just know heīd only ask for new books, or maps with accurate descriptions of the west coast.<BR>
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HELEN: How are the students supposed to learn from these old...<BR>
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LI: Mrs. Morgendorffer! This is none of your business.<BR>
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HELEN: It is. I am after all a parent concerned with the intellectual improvement of my daughters.<BR>
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LI: Then you should better watch your words. I employ the people who grade them.<BR>
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HELEN: I rest my case.<BR>
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QUINN: Thank you for the demonstration on how rules create a peaceful atmosphere in a discussion. We now get to see the first show element of tonights, well, show. They are one of Lawndales local rock legends presenting you a song co-written by fandoms only Kid-genius Mts Doggy Wouver. The guitar Trent Lane will use today was made by a guy called Wouter and will be auctioned away. The money will be given to an organisation helping rape victims. Here we go: Mystic Spiral and "Wut up".<BR>
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[The spiral are appearing and blast into something fast, distorted and messy. Well. What else did you expect, itīs the Spiral...]<BR>
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TRENT: wut do u want<BR>
wut do u need<BR>
wut up baby<BR>
wut up?<BR>
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JESSE: wu! t am i gonna do?<BR>
wu! t am i gonna do?<BR>
i don't no but wait listen.<BR>
i'm selling my pictures<BR>
ok thanx sorry for da incovienence<BR>
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TRENT: wut do u want<BR>
wut do u need<BR>
wut up baby<BR>
wut up?<BR>
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[the music ends, but the audience remains totally silent]<BR>
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Weīre Mystic Spiral, thank you.<BR>
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JANE: After this awful racket youīll love to hear that the spiral will perform another song later this evening. But first, let me introduce the next discussion round, dealing with Porn in Daria fanfic. Welcome with me the Mysterious Gystex, called the best porn writer by most fans and Mike Y. a fanficter that has never done any porn.<BR>
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[Mike appears on stage, Gystex remains seated behind a paper wall, so we only get to see his silluette.]<BR>
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QUINN: Mr. Gystex. You wrote a fanfic called Passion Club, which featured me rather prominently, so this first question goes to you. Why?<BR>
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GYSTEX: Well, there was a lot of Daria porn coming out at the time and most of it had little or no quality. So I decided it was time for something that was both explicit and well written.<BR>
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QUINN: You had this famous part, where Tiff finds out about lesbianism. Do you honestly believe someone could be that retarded?<BR>
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GYSTEX: Well, SUSU wrote a fanfic where he mentiones a friend who learned that SUSU was gay and then said something along the lines of: "I didnīt realize you could be queer AND cool.". Afterwards he started to have sex with guys, so... It seems to be something rare, but not impossible.<BR>
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QUINN: Wow. What fanfic of SUSU was that?<BR>
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GYSTEX: This one.<BR>
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QUINN: Mike. You give out awards, but left the porn award to mayority vote. Why was that?<BR>
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MIKE Y: I donīt read porn Itīs usually low quality writing and just plain boring.<BR>
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QUINN: A lot of people seem to enjoy it.<BR>
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MIKE Y: On the other hand all the writers use pseudonyms. It seems like they are afraid to lose their fans if they openly admit to write porn.<BR>
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GYSTEX: So if you wrote porn, you wouldnīt hide behind a different name?<BR>
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MIKE Y: Thatīs a hypothetical question. I donīt write porn, so I donīt know.<BR>
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QUINN: Letīs get an opinion from somebody from the show. An expert in the art of lovemaking -at least thatīs what he made them write in the script- Charles Ruttheimer.<BR>
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[Enter Upchuck, no cheers]<BR>
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UPCHUCK: I just have one thing to say. GYSTEX, you rule. Well, two things really. GYSTEX you rule and you were absolutely right about one thing. On stage with the Harpies: Sandi Griffin.<BR>
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[Monique and Sandi are standing centerstage, the Harpies standing a few steps further back.]<BR>
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SANDI: I thought this was a good occasion to... uh...<BR>
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MINIQUE: Maybe we should just sing the song. I guess itīd get the point across as well.<BR>
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SANDI: Right.<BR>
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[The Harpies launch into a cover of Team Dreschs "Freewheel"]<BR>
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SANDI: whole lot of things to say but i can't seem to hold on<BR>
moved away it pulls me back to what i miss<BR>
like talking talking talking to the mad queen<BR>
about emotional evolution<BR>
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MONIQUE: well i do what i do and i don't need you<BR>
to tell me what's in and tell me who's cool<BR>
i've got no money left and the mean world around me<BR>
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SANDI and MONIQUE: and i don't need that girl to<BR>
watch TV with she's just the same girl<BR>
over and over and over and <BR>
you can go back to your boyfriend<BR>
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SANDI: half of this is me and i'm not sure who the other is<BR>
she maybe came from all of you<BR>
this house is warm i think i'll take a nap<BR>
just like Freewheel, Freewheel!!!<BR>
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MONIQUE: well i do what i do and i don't need you<BR>
to tell me what's in and tell me who's cool<BR>
i've got no money left and the mean world around me<BR>
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SANDI and MONIQUE: and i don't need that girl to<BR>
watch TV with she's just the same girl<BR>
over and over and over and <BR>
you can go back to your boyfriend<BR>
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JANE: After this revelation -at least for those who actually got it- I give you CINCGREEN vs. MJP. Is honesty more important than being nice or vice versa? Come up on stage guys.<BR>
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[CINCY and Martin enter.]<BR>
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JANE: Before we start the discussion, could you give us an update on the situation between your girlfriend and Mr. Mikelson?<BR>
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CINCY: Last time I checked she was going to crush his distinctive feature with an eggbeater.<BR>
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JANE: Uhum, interesting method... I take it, you go on about criticism in a similiar fashion?<BR>
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CINCY: Not really. I just try to be really honest. If thatīs comparable to the current backstage ruckus in your opinion... Well, then your opinion is none Iīd be willing to take seriously.<BR>
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JANE: Mr. Pollard?<BR>
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MJP: This isnīt literature. It is fanfic and it can be very disencouraging for new authors to be trashed by Mr. Cincgreen and the ones that followed him. I donīt think he does fandom a favour by doing his criticism.<BR>
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CINCY: If you praise every sucky writer and donīt tell them they suck, they will never improve, but continue to write bad fiction. At the same time you canīt do the good works in existence any justice.<BR>
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MJP: Well...<BR>
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CINCY: The only thing you had was the featured authors, which include the fanfic author who shall not be named...<BR>
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MJP: Ca...<BR>
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CINCY: Donīt say it.<BR>
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MJP: ...na...<BR>
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CINCY: Bad things will happen.<BR>
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MJP: ...di...<BR>
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CINCY: For the grace of Kara Wild, donīt go there.<BR>
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MJP: ...brit?<BR>
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CINCY: You FOOL! Weīre all going to DIE!<BR>
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[Lynn Cullen and AP appear out of nowhere. They have machine guns and open fire.]<BR>
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CINCY: Argh!<BR>
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MJP: Arrrrghhhh!<BR>
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JANE: Ahhh!<BR>
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OTHER PERISHING FANS AND CHARACTERS: Aaaarghhhhh!!!<BR>
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LYNN: I think weīre done here AP.<BR>
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BUNNY [coming on stage]: Well that guy will not procre... [sees the corpses of Dariaites] Oh... Well I guess I was right: You ARE dead indeed. [notices one particular body] Oh my... Cincy! [runs over to him and finally gets noticed by AP]<BR>
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AP: Die!<BR>
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BUNNY: Argh!<BR>
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[Lew and TAFKA enter the theater]<BR>
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LEW: Sorry, our plane was del... [he notices the bodies] What the...<BR>
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TAFKA: [Pointing at LYNN] Arenīt you Daria?<BR>
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LYNN: [shooting the two] I [blam] am [bang] not [boom] Daria [Buddabuddabuddabuddabuddabudda... until mag is empty]<BR>
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SUSU: [running on stage] Hey, whatīs going on hearhghhh!<BR>
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AP: [smoking gun in hand] No Lynn, weīre done NOW.<BR>
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The author is dead, so I guess this is the end.<BR>
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Right?<BR>
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No.<BR>
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THOMAS: [his unironed shirt is bloodstained as he watches cops carry out body bags] Well, at least I told them they sucked before they died...