(Morgendorffer livingroom. Quinn is watching TV. She is wearing her T-shirt with the smiley face)
TV: So, like, my nose was to small and my upper lip was to big. So, like, I had the fat sucked out of my lip and put in my nose.
Quinn: (awestruck) Wow.
(The front door opens. Daria and Jane enters. They walk over and sit on the other couch)
TV: So, like, I thought I could be a model. (sobs) But, like, now they say my nose is to big, and the doctor says that I can't get operated on again, or my nose might fall off (crying).
Jane: I didn't know Quinn liked to watch 'Sick, Sad World'.
Daria: Actually I think this is that new show 'Sick, Pathetic World'.
Quinn: Uuuuuuh. For your information this is a program about girls who want to be supermodels but can't because of some physical deformity.
Daria: Like you being to short?
(Quinn fumes. Daria takes the remote from the table and changes the channel)
TV: Throwing supermodels to the lions. The new 'eat all you want without getting fat' diet at the Zoo. Next on Sick, Sad World.
Quinn: Hey! I was watching that.
Daria: Not anymore.
Jane: Get lost freshman.
Quinn: Mu-ooooom.
(Helen enters from the kitchen)
Helen: What is it?
Quinn: I was watching something, and they just came and changed channels.
Helen: Daria, let Quinn watch her program.
(Helen Goes back to the kitchen)
Quinn: Ha! (Takes the remote and changes the channel)
TV: And they said that my feet were to big, so the doctor cut my toe and my heel. Now i have a limb, but I feel like Cinderella.
Jane: Who produces this stuff anyway? Satan?
Daria: Remember that movie where that guy bought a satellite dish that pulled down all off Hell's TV-channels? I think this must be one of them.
Quinn: Shut up. I can't both watch this, and listen to you at the same time.
(Daria and Jane look at each other and smirk)
Jane: So, I heard you've taken up kicking puppets?
Daria: Yeah, I love the sound their bones make when I crush them under my boots. And you?
Jane: No, but I managed to kick a one so hard it flew over a house.
Quinn: Mu-ooooooom!!
(Helen enters)
Helen: (beat) What?
Quinn: Do something. They're talking really disgusting stuff, trying to get me to leave, so they can have the TV.
Helen: You two. Be quiet or leave.
Daria: If we don't say anything. Can we at least have a snack?
Helen: Sure.
(Helen goes back to the kitchen. Daria gets up and follows her. A minute later she returns with a package of butter and two spoons)
Jane: Uuuum, my favorite. But where's the mayonnaise? You can't eat butter without mayonnaise.
Quinn: MU-OOOOOOOOM!!!
(Helen enters. She sees Daria holding the package of butter)
Helen: Thats it. Both of you, go! You can watch TV in Daria's room. (points up the stairs)
(Daria shoots Quinn an angry look. Then she and Jane walk up the stairs)
Helen: Unbeliavable. We have no fewer than four TV-sets in the house, yet still you girls still manage to fight over what to watch.
Quinn: Don't look at me mom. I can't help if Daria is a freak.
TV: I didn't know how to feel about liposuction. Because I heard this rumor that there are people who are *stealing* the fat to make soap.
Helen: Say... Just what is that program you're watching?
Quinn: (nervous) This? Its nothing. I was just channel surfing while there was a commercial break. I'm really watching a program on discovery one of my teachers told me to watch.
(Quinn grabs the remote and hurries to change to the Discovery channel)
TV: And now that the mating rituals are over, the male Rhinoceros climbs on top of the female.
Helen: (surprised) Is this how Sex-ed is taught at your school these days?
(Helen sits next to Quinn and places a hand on her shoulder)
Helen: Do you have questions about sex sweetie?
(Quinn buries her face in her hands)
THE END