Parenting, Smarenting<BR>
By Thomas<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
Authors note: In "Psycho Therapy" we see Helen doing word associations. 
But assuming thats not all she did. What else did she and the shrink 
talk about.<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
(At the retreat. Helen is in a session with the psychiatrist)<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: Lets talk about your daughters now. How do you punish them 
if they do something wrong?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: My daughters rarely disobeys me. I use a system of monetary 
encouragements to make them comply.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: You mean bribery?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: Yes... I mean no. Surely there is nothing wrong in making sure 
your daughters don't have to work for a living.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: I see. But when they do disobey you. What then?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: Then they go before family court.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: You have a court? Have you always used such a system?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: No not always. I started it after we moved here.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: So what did you use before you moved here?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: (sigh) A behavior box.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: A what box?<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
(Flashback. Morgendorffer kitchen in Highland. Helen is sitting at the 
table. Daria and Quinn, aged 14 and 13, comes in)<BR>
<BR>
Helen: There you are, I have something I want to show you. (places a 
shoe-box on the table)<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: You want us to eat shoes!?<BR>
<BR>
Daria: Chaplin did it.<BR>
<BR>
Helen: No Quinn. This is to test a theory I have.<BR>
<BR>
Daria: This better not be about spontaneous self combustion.<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: Does it have to be such an ugly box? The one my new shoes came in 
is much prettier.<BR>
<BR>
Daria: If you think the box is bad, then just wait till she puts the Gom 
Jabar to your neck.<BR>
<BR>
Helen: (sigh) And this is why its high time for this. This box is 
supposed to improve your behavior. Every time one of you do something 
thats annoying to the rest of us, you have to put money into it. Like 
Daria. You have to pay 5 dollars if you're being sarcastic. Effective 
immediately.<BR>
<BR>
Daria: Excuse me?<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: (relieved) Its about time.<BR>
<BR>
Helen: Not so fast Quinn. You have to pay each time you talk about fashion.<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: What!? But what am I supposed to talk about?<BR>
<BR>
Daria: How about last season... (slaps a hand over her mouth)<BR>
<BR>
Helen: That just cost you 5 bucks.<BR>
<BR>
Daria: Can I take it from my clothes budget?<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: Like you have one. Your stuff was never in style.<BR>
<BR>
(Daria smirks)<BR>
<BR>
Helen: And 5 from you Quinn.<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: But mu-oom.<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: So did it work?<BR>
<BR>
Helen: Not exactly. Daria stopped talking to us altogether. Though that 
didn't stop her from manipulating Quinn. Who ran up an enormous debt she 
had no way of paying. After three days I decided to drop the whole thing.<BR>
<BR>
Psychiatrist: Can you give me an example of these manipulations?<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
(Flashback. Daria is sitting of the couch. Quinn walks over to her)<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: Do you know how to make mom stop? How was I to know its also 
talking about fashion if you talk about what your friends are wearing. 
So now I owe her 115.<BR>
<BR>
Daria: Get a job.<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: Daria!<BR>
<BR>
Daria: Look. Right now mom's box is the least of my worries. I have to 
find a way to tell her that my fungus experiment has escaped and invaded 
her closet. Now her favorite pair of shoes look like two giant mushrooms.<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: (voiceover) Gossip.<BR>
<BR>
(The kitchen. Helen is sitting at the table reading a case file. Quinn 
comes in)<BR>
<BR>
Quinn: Mom. Guess what. Your favorite shoes look like giant mushrooms.<BR>
<BR>
(Helen sighs, gets up, takes the shoe-box and holds it towards Quinn. 
Quinn buries her face in her hands)<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
THE END<BR>