Morgendorffer Family Values
By Thomas

(Quinn's room. Quinn is laying on her bed eating carrot sticks and watching The Powerpuff Girls on TV)

Quinn: (voiceover) What a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I almost wish I didn't have to go to that Fashion Club meting later today. Stupid Sandi and her stupid ideas on matching the colors of your outfit with your dates car. Like I don't spend enough time already maintaining my lip-gloss database. (pause) Come to think of it. Why don't I just stay here all day.

(Quinn picks up her phone and dial a number. Split screen between Quinn and Stacy)

Quinn: Hi Stacy its me. I'm afraid I can't come to the meeting today.

Stacy: Oh no. Is it because of me?

Quinn: No. I'm just not feeling fell. I think I may have gotten a cold from driving in Tyler's convertible last night.

Stacy: But Tyler doesn't drive a convertible.

Quinn: So maybe he borrowed his brother's.

Stacy: But Tyler doesn't have a brother.

Quinn: (stern) So maybe he won it in the lottery! Okay!?

(Stacy starts crying)

Quinn: See you tomorrow.

(Quinn hangs up. Cut to Quinn's room. Helen comes in)

Helen: Hi sweetie. Can you do me a favor? I had an accident with my fingernails.

Quinn: (beat) Sure mom. Have a seat.

(Quinn gets her tools and takes Helen's hand)

Quinn: Did you bite these?

Helen: What's wrong with that? Can't a woman bite her own nails anymore?

Quinn: Whatever. (goes to work on Helen's nails) Did grandmother call you?

Helen: Why would you think that?

Quinn: You only do crazy stuff like this when grandmother calls. Like the time you tore our paper napkins into little pieces.

Helen: I did not.

Quinn: (giggles) Or the time we were on vacation at the Grand Canyon, and she called you while we were riding, and you started to kick your heels into the mule, and it threw you of, and you landed on a cactus.

(Helen looks cross at Quinn)

Quinn: Eeep!

(Helen's phone rings. She answers it)

Helen: Oh hi Eric. No of course I don't mind you calling me on a Sunday.

Quinn: (voiceover) Saved by the phone. A retreat to the livingroom seems to be in order.

(The livingroom. Daria and Jane are watching TV. A frying pan full of hot-dogs is standing on the table. Quinn walks over to them. Daria takes a hot-dog and starts eating it)

Quinn: Eeeew! Hot-dogs out of the frying pan. I'm getting fat just by looking at you.

Daria: Then its a good thing I'm not drinking green paint.

Jane: Or sweating. Then she would have to work out.

TV: Vine tasting for pigs. In swine there is truth. Next on Sick, Sad World.

Quinn: Eeeew! How can you watch that?

Daria: You're right. We should do something else instead.

Jane: Like, shaving Quinn bald and make her eat the hair?

Daria: Sounds good to me.

(Quinn makes a hasty retreat to the kitchen)

(The kitchen. Jake is wearing his chef outfit and is using a meat hammer to try and break what looks like a huge rock)

Jake: Gaaa! Break dammit. Break I tell you. (hits the rock)

(Quinn comes in)

Jake: Good thing you came kiddo. You're just in time to taste my wild west fruit cake.

Quinn: Um... Dad, it looks like a rock.

Jake: The fruit cake is inside. You see in the old times out west people often wouldn't have much in the way of cooking gear. So instead they would cower the cake with clay, bury it in the ground and start a fire on top of it.

Quinn: But we have cooking gear.

Jake: I know. So I didn't have to bury it or start a fire. I just put it in the oven. (hands the hammer to Quinn) Here kiddo, you try and hammer it while I set the table.

Quinn: (beat) You're paying for my therapy you know.

Jake: But I gave you 30 bucks for a new purse only yesterday. Now you want a... What did you call it?

Quinn: (sighs) Never mind dad. (hits the clay)

(Sandi's room. The Fashion Club is having a meeting)

Sandi: So I suggest to let the top match the upholstery, and let the shoes match the color of the car itself.

Stacy: But what if its a white car?

Tiffany: Stacy. White cars. Eeeew.

Stacy: Sorry.

(Quinn enters)

Quinn: Hi guys. I'm not to late am I?

Sandi: (surprised) Quinn? Stacy, why did you say Quinn couldn't come?

Stacy: But she told me...

Quinn: Gosh Stacy. Can't you take a joke? You think I would rather spend time with my family than with you guys?

Sandi: (smiles) Good one Quinn.

Tiffany: It was?

THE END