HANDSCAPES & HEART-SHAPED BOX

Roger E. Moore (roger70129@aol.com)

[AUTHOR'S NOTES: In early 2002, I considered writing a series of follow-on stories to 
"Nine-Eleven and Counting," telling of Daria's first real love affair. The multipart story 
would begin with a tale called "Handscapes," which was described by me as my entry in 
an "Iron Chef Challenge" posted by Renfield (renfield1969) in mid-August 2002, 
answering the challenge to detail a plot about a show in which Daria takes 
antidepressants. The following is reprinted from the original message on Paperpusher's 
Message Board.]


"Handscapes"

It is the spring semester of Daria's freshman year at Raft College in Boston. Jane Lane 
comes to her dorm room unexpectedly and takes one of Daria's hands, smears lotion on it, 
and examines Daria's hand in sunlight. (Some amusing exchanges about what exactly is 
going on follow.) Jane has come up with an idea to make black-and-white close-up 
photographs of people's hands, turning them into surreal landscapes. Jane wishes to use 
Daria's hands as the primary model. Daria reluctantly allows this, but doesn't want her 
name used.

The project proceeds rapidly. Jane takes numerous photos of Daria's hands and produces 
a large set of photos that she turns in as an assignment for one of her classes. Her photos 
are a local sensation, and the photos are put on display in a Boston art museum, attracting 
considerable attention. Daria finally visits the museum and looks at the artwork--and 
becomes profoundly depressed. The images are beautiful, but seeing her own hands--
empty--accents Daria's loneliness at college. She hasn't dated since her arrival the fall 
before, and her time with Jane has begun to diminish. Daria is overwhelmed with her 
schoolwork, having loaded herself up with complex classes, and has little in the way of 
relaxation.

Jane notices the sudden change in Daria's mood and--not knowing the cause of Daria's 
depression--urges her to seek help. Daria tries to go out by herself to local restaurants and 
bars, but no one talks to her, she doesn't try hard to meet people, and things get worse. 
She does nothing more about her condition until Jane drops in unexpectedly on a Friday 
on Daria's dorm room and finds the place a complete mess, with Daria too depressed to 
get out of bed. Jane talks Daria into going to a counseling center, where a concerned 
psychiatrist gives Daria a prescription for antidepressants. Jane takes Daria to the drug 
store to get the pills, learning on the way what triggered Daria's depression. Feeling 
responsible for the problem, Jane tries to stay closer to Daria to monitor how she's doing. 
Daria takes her pills and appears to do better, though Daria's also read the side effects and 
knows the pills kill sensitivity of all kinds.

Several days later, Daria accidentally runs into a young man who helps her out several 
times in a row--rescuing an unbound term paper she drops, giving her an umbrella when 
it starts to rain, saying something funny about the weather. Each time Daria walks away 
once the incident ends. Then she finds the young man reading a book on campus and, by 
way of thanking him for helping her out, treats him to a pizza. She learns the young man 
is a soldier on leave, and he has only a week left before he reports for duty. His sister 
went to Raft a few years earlier, but she was killed in a car accident with her husband. 
Daria reminds him of his lost sister, who shared some of the same personality traits. 
Daria finds the soldier reads extensively, particularly old sagas like "Beowulf," and they 
meet more often, talking about their lives. Three days before he has to leave to report 
back to duty, they begin a passionate affair. She stops taking her antidepressants, as they 
kill sexual feeling. Jane catches on to the affair (walks into the middle of it, actually), and 
fears the worst, that the soldier is using Daria and Daria is pursuing a doomed romance. 
Daria decides she won't see the soldier off at the airport, but at the last second changes 
her mind. As they kiss at the airport, he proposes to Daria, and she accepts. He flies 
away.

And is killed in action a month later.

At his funeral, the soldier's family gives Daria tokens that the soldier kept for her: an 
engagement ring, photos of the two of them together. Daria returns to college, her 
personal life destroyed--but also alive for the first time in ages, able to see through her 
depression and recover, because she loved and was loved.


[AUTHOR'S NOTES: Further notes from another e-mail follow. Ever since working on 
this story, I cannot hear Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" without seeing, in my mind and 
with perfect clarity, Daria and the nameless soldier dancing to this song in her dorm room 
as their romance gets underway. I could not imagine a more terrible harbinger for a love 
affair than this.]


I've had this idea in my head since April 2002, after writing "Daria: Nine-Eleven and 
Counting." The first part of the story ("Handscapes") was developed about a month and a 
half ago as a separate element, meant to be a stand-alone story. Recently I discussed it by 
e-mail with Galen Hardesty, who suggested the title "Handscapes." I have no idea why 
that didn't occur to me earlier, as it fits so well. I've seen photo exhibits similar to what 
Jane creates in the story, so it seemed logical. Daria's depression is relieved only by the 
medication, which--ironically--isolates her against the world even further by killing 
sensation, dulling her depression at the cost of killing feeling in every other sphere of her 
life.

The second part, dating from April, was originally called "Daria: Heart-Shaped Box." It 
was about a brief, doomed love affair between Daria and a soldier on leave from the war 
in Afghanistan. It was meant to be a freshman-year, second-semester follow-on to "Nine-
Eleven and Counting," but I put the story aside and am not sure if it will be written 
anytime soon. In HSB, Daria has mostly recovered from the physical harm she suffered 
earlier. She has only partial use of her left hand, which was severely injured in the water-
tower scene, and she walks with a mild limp, with steel pins in her legs. Her body still 
has many scars left from her injuries and the emergency surgery afterward.

"Heart-Shaped Box," like "Nine-Eleven and Counting," was to borrow chapter titles from 
a particular song, in this case Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box," with the chapters named 
"Your Magnet Tar-Pit Trap," "Cut Myself on Angel Hair," and "Forever in Debt." Parts 
of this story have already been written, including the first real conversation Daria has 
with the as-yet unnamed soldier, and Jane's walk-in discovery of the affair, reprinted 
below. Daria and her lover, here called X as I hadn't picked a name for him, call out for 
pizza to be delivered to her room. Someone knocks on the dorm door.

#####

INT: CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DARIA'S DORM ROOM, RAFT COLLEGE

Daria's dorm door opens, and X comes out, dressed only in his slacks. Standing in the 
corridor is Jane Lane, holding a large pizza box. She is dressed as usual, but her red 
jacket is replaced by a yellow one, with yellow-frame sunglasses pushed up into her hair, 
and yellow sandals. Jane's devilish smile fades instantly into open-mouthed, wide-eyed, 
flat-out disbelief as she stares at the bare-chested X, looking him up and down. She 
doesn't move as X takes the pizza from her hands. Jane holds her car keys in one hand 
underneath the pizza box, but the keys fall to the floor unnoticed a moment after X takes 
the pizza.

X: [takes her reaction in stride, smiles warmly] Thanks! [reaches in pants pocket] Here, 
I've got it. A twenty should cover it.

DARIA: [VO, in room behind X] No, let me. I've got--

Daria, her hair a mess and wearing only a long nightshirt, brushes around X with a 
twenty-dollar bill in one hand. She sees Jane a second later.

DARIA: [exaggerated startle response, gasps loudly] Oh, my God!

Mortified, Daria collapses against a closet door behind her, covering her face with her 
hands, still clutching the bill. Jane's blank gaze flicks from Daria to X and back--and she 
starts to smile.

JANE: Well . . . I thought I would drop by for a, um . . . surprise visit, and I got to the 
front desk the same time that your pizza arrived, so I thought I would . . . well. [clears 
throat] Studying?

X: [quick uptake] Chemistry.

JANE: [nods slowly, eyes them both] I think you're beyond chemistry. Looks like you're 
into physics now--motion of bodies and all that. [picks up her car keys and puts them in 
jacket pocket, tries not to smile too broadly] By the way, the pizza's on me.

X: [reaches in pocket] I can pay you back.

JANE: [holds up a hand] Uh-uh, nope. It's all right. [offers hand to X] I'm Jane, by the 
way. Jane Lane.

X: [shakes her hand] X. Pleased to meet you. You--[gestures at Daria]--know--?

JANE: Yeah. Old friends.

DARIA: [drops her hands, bright red face, massively embarrassed] Jane, I--

JANE: [smirks] Ah, don't worry. I've got to run. I couldn't stay long anyway, just 
wanted to . . . see how your special project was going. [eyes X with admiration] Yes, it's 
definitely . . . special. Yesss. Oh--[to Daria]--call me Friday night, about Saturday. Yes or 
no.

DARIA: [looks at floor] Sure.

JANE: [smirks] Okay. Enjoy your . . . lunch. [starts to leave, hesitates, then turns back] 
Oh, one more thing. [points to X] You, come out for a second. [points to Daria] You, stay 
inside and shut the door.

Daria and X hesitate, but Jane gives them a "hurry up!" look. Daria and X look at each 
other, then do as she says. Daria's last look at Jane is anxious. Jane checks to see that the 
dorm door is closed, then steps close to X, looking up into his face. Her right index finger 
points right at his chest.

JANE: [faint smile fades as she speaks, slowly and deliberately] If you hurt her, I will kill 
you.

They stare at each other for three seconds.

X: [nods briefly] Okay.

JANE: [after two-second pause, unblinking stare] Okay. [drops hand] Go have fun.

Jane turns and starts to leave again, but turns around after three steps down the hall.

JANE: [points at X again] But--

After a one-second delay, satisfied her point is made, Jane drops her hand and walks off, 
never looking back. X watches her go, then goes back into Daria's room.


INT: MOMENTS LATER, DARIA'S DORM ROOM, RAFT COLLEGE

Daria sits on the edge of her bed, elbows on her knees and hands covering her face. The 
unopened pizza box sits on a chair. X closes the door and walks over, sitting on the bed 
opposite Daria.

X: Your best friend?

DARIA: Yes. [drops her hands, face is still bright red] I feel so dumb.

X: [opens pizza box, cheery voice] Hey, it's still warm! [takes out a slice, offers it to 
Daria] Here.

DARIA: [takes the slice] What did she say?

X: [takes a slice for himself] Oh. She said if I ever hurt you, she would kill me.

Daria groans.

X: [bites into slice, nods in thought] You know, I think she would.

DARIA: [sighs, takes bite of her slice, nods] I think she would, too.

X: [chews] That's what best friends are for.


#####

The possibility was left open that Daria would become pregnant from the affair ("Baby's 
Breath," a separate story attached to "Heart-Shaped Box").

#####


HELEN: Well, honey, it's not the worst thing that could happen.

JAKE: Indeedy not. Why, I remember in my college days--

HELEN: I mean, God forbid--[starts to laugh]--what if you were pregnant?

Jane freezes with a spoonful of soup halfway to her lips, some of the soup spilling back 
into her bowl. Her eyes dart to Helen. Daria, reaching for the pepper, jumps and knocks 
the pepper shaker over instead; she tries to pick it up but ends up bumping it further out 
of reach. Jake, however, bursts out in laughter and Helen joins him, hiding her mouth 
with her napkin and looking at her lap.

JAKE: Pregnant! By golly! That'll be the day!

Daria and Jane exchange glances before looking back at their food.

DARIA: [deadpan] Funny one, there, Mom.

Daria looks up, raising a trembling spoonful of soup to her lips, and sees Quinn. Quinn is 
silent, with her cup of herbal tea at her lips, but she is not drinking it. Quinn watches 
Daria with a curious, thoughtful expression, the cup hiding her mouth. Jane glances at 
Daria, notices the direction of her stare, and looks at Quinn, too. Jake and Helen are about 
to laugh themselves to death, completely oblivious to anything else.

After a pause, Daria and Jane look down at their soup bowls again. Daria lowers her 
spoon and stirs her soup instead. After a pause, Quinn lowers her eyes and drinks her tea, 
then sets the cup down, not looking at anyone in particular.

QUINN: I have an idea.

Daria and Jane look up at Quinn instantly, wary and alert. Jake and Helen calm 
themselves somewhat, wiping their eyes but still grinning broadly.

QUINN: [to Helen] It would be really good for my therapy, you know, if Daria, Jane and 
I went out and bonded for a while. You know? Do the girl-gang thing.


HELEN: Why, certainly! I think that's a great idea!

JANE: Uh--

DARIA: [swallows] I--uh, Jane and I were--

QUINN: [looking at Daria and Jane] That's great! I'll drive. [to Helen] Can I use the car?

HELEN: Of course! We're not going anywhere this afternoon.

QUINN: Thanks! [to Daria] Feel like a little trip to Cashman's, sister?

Jane and Daria exchange anxious looks.

DARIA: I don't know if--

QUINN: I could use a good shop. [lifts cup of tea] The day is pregnant with possibilities. 
[takes a sip, watching Daria]

JAKE: Ha! You hear that, Helen? Pregnant with possibilities! [begins laughing again, 
joined by Helen]

Daria closes her eyes and grits her teeth. Jane looks out a window. Quinn picks up her 
cup and drinks again, giving Daria and Jane a knowing gaze.


EXT: M. HOME, FRONT YARD

Quinn, Daria, and Jane leave the house, closing the door behind them, and walk toward 
the Morgendorffer's SUV. Quinn is carrying a massive, jangling key ring. Daria and 
Jane, looking as if they'd been taken prisoner, start to get into the back seat.

QUINN: Uh uh uuuhhh! No, no! [catches Daria's arm gently] You sit up front with me.

Daria sighs and obediently gets into the passenger seat. Quinn pulls the shoulder harness 
down for her.

QUINN: [to Daria] Don't make it too snug.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: The resolution of this story was never worked out.]


=======================


[AUTHOR'S NOTES: Below is reprinted for the first time the entire written portion of 
"Daria: Heart-Shaped Box." The manuscript is obviously in rough form, with many areas 
not yet filled in even though I've worked them out in detail in my head. It isn't the most 
depressing tale I've ever considered writing, but it was close. I have no will to finish it.]


DARIA: Heart-Shaped Box

I. Your Magnet Tar Pit Trap
II. Cut Myself on Angel Hair
III. Forever in Debt
IV. Baby's Breath


Text ©2002 Roger E. Moore (roger70129@aol.com)
Daria and associated characters are ©2002 MTV Networks

Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: 
roger70129@aol.com

Author's Note: The manuscript assumes that the "Daria" episode "Is it College Yet?", 
broadcast in January 2002, shows events that took place in late spring 2001. Daria and 
Jane enter separate but nearby colleges in Boston in August 2001, a considerable distance 
from Lawndale. The events in this screenplay take place soon after those in the three-part 
series, "Daria: Nine Eleven and Counting."

Warning: Manuscript contains graphic language.

INT = Interior scene
EXT = Exterior scene
VO = Voice over (off screen)

(He is visiting campus, where his older sister went, plans to visit her gravesite)

Monday

Gives her his umbrella in rain, leaves
She almost loses her ms., but he catches it at the last moment, saves it

Tuesday
She passes him in

Wednesday:

EXT: BENCH IN WOODED CAMPUS AREA, RAFT COLLEGE

X sits by himself, slouching and reading a paperback book, about to eat an apple. Daria 
sees him from a distance, stops, comes to a decision, then walks toward him and sits on 
the bench near him. X glances up, does a double take, and closes the book, sitting up.

X: Hi. [puts apple and book in his lap, puts out his hand] X. Pretty day, finally.
D: Daria Morgendorffer.
X: Daria. I like that.
D: Are you stalking me?
X: [momentarily speechless] Wha--uh, no, I was--
D: I have pepper spray and a rattail comb.
X: Uh--[picks up his book]--I have "Beowulf." And an apple.
D: [peers at the book] That for a class?
X: Uh, no, I just like to read it.
D: [peers closely at X] You go to school here?
X: No, no. I'm in town for the week. I thought I'd, uh--
D: Hang out where the chicks are.
X: [starting to smile, can't help it] Well, it seems to be working so far.
D: [frowns, flat voice] Thank you for helping me out yesterday.
X: Oh, don't worry about it, I--
D: I left your umbrella in my room. [pulls up purse, reaches inside] I'll pay you for it.
X: No, wait, that's okay. I have another one. I don't need it. [refusing money] Really. 
Please. It's okay.
D: [looks doubtful, but puts money back in purse] And thank you for rescuing my paper. 
That took me five weeks to put together.
X: Whoa. Yeah, I can see why you looked so--
D: I won't sleep with you for it, but I will say thank you.
X: [smile growing broader, shrugs] Okay, sure. You're welcome. Not a problem.
D: Okay. [at a loss for what to say next] You live around here?
X: No. I'm afraid not. I'm just in town for the week.
D: Girlfriend here?
X: Uh, no. I, uh, don't have one.
D: [clearly dubious] Hmmm.

Daria looks down at his hands, then reaches out and takes at his left hand, examining his 
ring finger. He lets her do this.

X: [amused] Are you a doctor?
D: [sees no sign of a wedding ring, lets go of hand, looks at him, still dubious] Well, 
thank you. I appreciate what you did for me.
X: Are you, like, going to class right now?
D: No. I was getting lunch at the cafeteria.
X: How about lunch out? What do you like?

Daria hesitates.

X: [prompting] You have pepper spray and a rattail comb.
D: Yeah. Don't forget that. And we split the check. And I'm not sleeping with you for 
this. It's just lunch.
X: [nods agreeably throughout] Just lunch. What do you like?
D: [pause] Lobster. Two lobsters. Maybe three.
X: [nods, starting to roll his eyes] Lobster, sure. Well, this is the town to get lobster if you 
really--
D: Make it pizza.
X: A lobster pizza?
D: No, just pizza. There's a place over--[starts to point]
X: Pizza Barn.
D: [a bit surprised] Yeah. Pizza Barn. I thought you didn't go here.
X: [hesitates] My sister went here, some years ago. [pause] I used to see her here.
D: [bites lip, considers his story, nods] Okay. Pizza Barn.
X: Sounds good. [gathers up apple and book]
D: [not getting up yet] Tell me the truth.
X: [stops halfway in the act of getting up, sits down again] Okay.
D: Why are you reading "Beowulf"?
X: [looks at book] Because I like it. Really. I lost my copy of "Gilgamesh" and this is--
D: Okay. [gets up] Let's go.
X: [hesitates, waiting for another interruption, then gets up] Okay. Let's go.


INT: BOOTH TABLE AT PIZZA BARN, NEAR RAFT COLLEGE CAMPUS

Daria and X appear inside and find themselves a booth set apart from the low-level chaos 
in the student-infested restaurant. X waits for Daria to be seated, then sits across from 
her.

X: Where are you from?
D: Lawndale. I'm a freshman. Your turn.
X: Oh, I'm from all over, sort of. I was born in Texas, but we--
D: Where in Texas?
X: Uh, Dallas. We didn't live there long. We moved around a lot when I was a kid. My 
dad was in the Army.
D: [looks at X's short haircut] As are you.
X: [half laugh] Yeah, I am. Fort XXX. I'm on leave.
D: Mmmm. [stares hard at X, then puts out her hand] Give me your wallet.

X stares at Daria for a moment, then reaches into a back pocket and pulls out his wallet. 
He hands it to her, and she takes it and immediately begins going through it. She pulls out 
his driver's license (STATE), U.S. Army ID card, Red Cross blood donor card, credit 
card, Social Security card, and several other items, and she reads each one in turn without 
comment. As she finishes, she puts the cards in a little stack.

X: [clears throat] I have some pictures in there--
D: [reading another card] In a minute.

Daria examines the money in the wallet (a little over $350 in fifties and ones), 

D: No rubbers, no locks of hair from girlfriends, no love notes, no strange phone 
numbers. Do you have another wallet?
X: No, no, that's it. That's all.
D: Hmmm. [puts his wallet down on the table by the stack of cards she's examined] 
Okay. You pass. So far.
X: Pass what? [picks up wallet, starts to reassemble it]
D: You're not a jerk. You're not a liar, so far as I can tell. You're not holding out. 
Doesn't mean you aren't, but you might be smart enough to cover. Especially if you read 
"Beowulf."
X: Well, now I'm glad I didn't bring my copy of "The Prince."
D: You have a sense of humor.
X: It helps.
D: Your blood donor card is active.
X: I'm healthy.
D: [looks down at his chest, stares a little too long] Uh-huh.

Waitress comes up
D mentions highland



INT: DARIA'S DORM ROOM, RAFT COLLEGE

$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Someone knocks on the door.

X: [looks at Daria] You want me to, uh, hide in a closet, or what?
D: [looking in her purse] No. Go ahead and get it. No one in this dorm cares, believe me.

X shrugs and goes to the door, opening it.


INT: CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DARIA'S DORM ROOM, RAFT COLLEGE

View of Daria's dorm door opening, and X coming out. X looks down.

View of Jane Lane, holding the pizza. Her initial devilish smile fades instantly into open-
mouthed, wide-eyed, flat-out disbelief. She is frozen in place as X takes the pizza from 
her hands. Jane was holding her car keys in one hand, underneath the pizza, but these fall 
unnoticed from her hand a moment later.

X: [taking her reaction in stride, smiles] Thanks! [reaches in pants pocket] Here, I've got 
it.

D: [VO, in room behind X] No, let me. I've got--

Daria brushes around X with a twenty-dollar bill in one hand. She sees Jane and has an 
instant, exaggerated startle response, gasping loudly.

D: Oh, my God.

Daria leans back against a closet door, covering her face with her hands, still clutching 
the bill. Jane's gaze flicks from Daria to X and back, and she starts to smile.

J: Well . . . I thought I would drop by for a, um . . . surprise visit, and I got to the front 
desk the same time that your pizza arrived, so I thought I would . . . well. [pause] 
Studying?
X: [quick uptake] Chemistry.
J: [nods slowly, eyeing them both] Looks more like physics to me. Motion of bodies, all 
that. [rubs mouth, trying not to smile too broadly] Oh, by the way, the pizza's on me.
X: [reaching in pocket] I can pay you back.
J: [holds up a hand] Uh-uh, nope. It's all right. I'm Jane, by the way. Jane Lane.
X: [shakes her hand] X. Pleased to meet you. You--[gestures at Daria]--know--?
J: Yeah. Old friends.
D: [drops her hands, bright red face, massively embarrassed] Jane, I--
J: Ah, don't worry. I've got to run. I couldn't stay long anyway, just wanted to . . . see 
how your special project was going. [eyes X] Yes, it's definitely . . . special. Yes. Oh--[to 
Daria]--call me Friday night, about Saturday. Yes or no.
D: [looks at floor] Sure.
J: Okay. [starts to leave, hesitates, then turns back] Oh, one more thing. [businesslike, 
points to X] You, come out for a second. [points to Daria] You, stay inside and shut the 
door.

Daria and X hesitate, but Jane gives them a "hurry up!" look. Daria and X look at each 
other, then do as she says. Daria's last look at Jane is anxious. Jane checks to see that the 
dorm door is closed, then steps close to X, looking up into his face. Her right index finger 
points right at his chest.

J: [faint smile fades as she speaks, slowly and deliberately] If you hurt her, I will kill you.

They stare at each other for three seconds.

X: [nods briefly] Okay.
J: [after two-second pause, unblinking stare] Okay. [drops hand] Go have fun.

Jane turns and starts to leave again, but turns around after three steps down the hall.

J: [points at X again] But--

After a one-second delay, satisfied her point is made, Jane drops her hand and walks off, 
never looking back. X watches her go, then goes back into Daria's room.


INT: DARIA'S DORM ROOM, RAFT COLLEGE

Daria sits on the edge of her bed, elbows on her knees and hands covering her face. The 
pizza sits on a chair. X closes the door and walks over, sitting on the bed opposite Daria.

X: Good friend of yours. Best friend?
D: Yes. [drops her hands, face is still bright red] I feel so dumb.
X: [opening pizza box, cheery voice] Hey, it's warm! [takes out a slice, offers it to Daria] 
Here.
D: [takes the slice] What did she say?
X: [taking a slice for himself] Oh. She said if I ever hurt you, she would kill me. [bites 
into slice, nods in thought] You know, I think she would.
D: [sighs, takes bite of her slice] I think she would, too.
X: [chewing] That's what best friends are for.
D: [pause] She didn't say or do anything else?
X: [chewing] Nope. [looks at his slice] I think this one has pepperoni in it. [pause, looks 
at Daria] You all right?

Daria nods. She appears very defensive and bunched up. Her legs are crossed, and her 
arms are close to her sides. She doesn't look up.

X: I'm sure she'll get over it.

Daria swallows, stares at her slice.

D: We, uh--[nods toward door]--Jane, that was Jane.
X: Yes.
D: [closes eyes for a second, disgusted with self] Right. Um, Jane and I, we once had . . . 
there was this guy, her boyfriend, and we got . . .
X: [calm and easy] She didn't do anything.
D: Uh, well, I didn't mean that, I meant, she, uh--oh, hell. Forget it.
X: Forgotten. [points to her slice] You going to eat that?

Daria peers at her pizza slice, then takes another bite of it, lost in thought.

X: [eyes Daria as he chews] You look good in a shirt like that.
D: I bet you say that to all your camp followers.
X: Just the hot ones. [eyes her with increasing interest]
D: [chewing] Give me a break.
X: I was thinking about giving you something else.
D: Hmm. Like what?
X: [pause, swallows] Take off your shirt.
D: I want it on.
X: [finishes his slice, reaches in pants pocket, pulls out roll of bills] Here. Here's a 
twenty.

Daria takes the twenty, throws it on her desk, stands up, and takes off her shirt, sitting 
down again wearing only her panties. She picks up another piece of pizza and takes a 
bite.

X: Much better. [picks up a slice himself, slowly, eyes locked on Daria]
D: Your food taste better now?
X: Much. It's incredible.
D: I bet. [looks up at him] You're still wearing your pants.
X: [mouth full] Mmm-hmm.
D: Well?

X holds up his right hands and rubs his fingers together.

D: Give you ten.
X: [shakes head no] Mmm-mmm.
D: Fifteen.
X: [shakes head no] Mmm-mmm. [swallows]
D: Twenty.
X: Fifty.
D: [loud] What?! Fifty?!
X: Fifty. [picks up another slice of pizza]
D: There some reason you charge fifty for that?
X: Might be. [takes another bite]

Daria stares hard at X, then sighs and reaches for her purse. She fumbles in it and pulls 
out a handful of bills, counts out thirty, picks up the twenty from her desk, and hands it 
over.

D: Better be worth it.

X puts down his pizza slice, takes the money and pockets it, then takes off his pants. As 
he tosses them aside, Daria's attention is riveted on his groin. Daria reaches for another 
slice of pizza, but she puts her hand directly into the topping, getting it all over her 
fingers. She looks down, startled.

X: Oh. Let me.

X puts down his slice and reaches for Daria's hand. She lets him take it, and he carefully 
licks off the pizza topping. He obviously enjoys it.


FINIS









H: Well, honey, it's not the worst thing that could happen.
JAKE: Indeedy not. Why, I remember in my college days--
H: I mean, God forbid, [starts to laugh] what if you were pregnant?

Jane freezes with a spoonful of soup halfway to her lips, some of the soup spilling back 
into her bowl. Her eyes dart to Helen. Daria, reaching for the pepper, jumps and knocks it 
over instead; she tries to pick it up but ends up bumping it further out of reach. Jake, 
however, bursts out in laughter and Helen joins him, hiding her mouth with her napkin 
and looking at her lap.

JAKE: Pregnant! By golly! That'll be the day!

Daria and Jane exchange glances before looking back at their food.

DARIA: [deadpan] Funny one, there, Mom.

Daria looks up, raising a trembling spoonful of soup to her lips, and sees Quinn. Quinn is 
silent, with her cup of herbal tea at her lips, but she is not drinking it. She is watching 
Daria with a curious, thoughtful expression, the cup hiding her mouth. Jane glances at 
Daria, notices the direction of her stare, and looks at Quinn, too. Jake and Helen are about 
to laugh themselves to death, completely oblivious to anything else. Daria and Jane look 
down at their soup bowls again. Daria lowers her spoon and stirs her soup instead. After a 
pause, Quinn lowers her eyes and drinks her tea, then sets the cup down, not looking at 
anyone in particular.

QUINN: I have an idea.

Daria and Jane look up at Quinn instantly, wary and alert. Jake and Helen calm 
themselves somewhat, wiping their eyes but still grinning broadly.

QUINN: [to Helen] It would be really good for my therapy, you know, if Daria, Jane and 
I went out and bonded for a while. You know? Do the girl-gang thing.
H: Why, certainly! I think that's a great idea!
J: Uh--
D: [swallows] I--uh, Jane and I were--
Q: [looking at Daria and Jane] That's great! I'll drive. [to Helen] Can I use the car?
H: Of course! We're not going anywhere this afternoon.
Q: Thanks! [to Daria] Feel like a little trip to Cashman's, sister?

Jane and Daria exchange anxious looks.

D: I don't know if--
Q: I could use a good shop. [lifts cup of tea] The day is pregnant with possibilities. [takes 
a sip, watching Daria]
JAKE: Ha! You hear that, Helen? Pregnant with possibilities! [begins laughing again, 
joined by Helen]

Daria closes her eyes and grits her teeth. Jane looks out a window.


EXT: M. HOME, FRONT YARD

Quinn, Daria, and Jane leave the house, closing the door behind them, and walk toward 
the Morgendorffer's SUV. Quinn is carrying a massive, jangling key ring. Daria and 
Jane, looking as if they'd been taken prisoner, start to get into the back seat.

Q: Uh uh uuuhhh! No, no! [catches Daria's arm gently] You sit up front with me.

Daria sighs and obediently gets into the passenger seat. Quinn pulls the shoulder harness 
down for her.

Q: [to Daria] Don't make it too snug.


FINIS