Dating Economics
By Thomas
(Mrs Bennett's class. Mrs Bennett is drawing a complicated diagram. The fashion club are sitting at the back of the room)
Mrs Bennett: So not only are we limited by the amount of cash available to us. The usefulness of the resources them self depend on their number. To use an example a book can have value, while a second copy of the same book would be worthless to us... Yes Sandi?
Sandi: But if you have two of the same book, it means two people can read it at the same time. (smiles at the other FC members thinking she said something clever)
Mrs Bennett: (beat) It was just to use an example. Maybe it would help if you tried to visualize it.
(Quinn looks thoughtful. Then she closes her eyes)
(Quinn's visualization. Its a white background with a female redheaded stick figure in it. Mrs Bennett's voice is heard in the background)
Mrs Bennett: You have a limited number of times you can date, say a hundred times a year. And while there are more than one hundred resources, boys, at Lawndale High. The happiness you get from dating differs sharply from resource to resource. Some resources even have negative value...
(A stick figure of Upchuck appears next to the Quinn figure. The Quinn figure gets a sour look on her face)
Mrs Bennett: While some are unobtainable...
(The Upchuck figure turns into a Kevin figure. The Quinn figure looks happy until a Brittany figure appears from the left and starts chasing her with a baseball bat)
Mrs Bennett: As a result there are not enough different resources to cover a whole dating year. Therefore some resources must be dated more than once.
(The Kevin figure turns into a Jamie figure. The Brittany figure disappears. The Quinn figure looks happy until a second Jamie figure appears)
Mrs Bennett: The problem here is that the happiness you derive from two dates with the same resource is less than the happiness you'd get from one date multiplied by two. The resource, Jamie, has a falling marginal value. If you tried to fill a whole dating year with Jamie, you would eventually get sick of the sight of him. At this point another Jamie would have negative value.
(The screen is filled with Jamie figures. The Quinn figure starts crying)
Mrs Bennett: The solution is to find the mix of resources that'll optimize your happiness.
(The screen is filled with a mix of different figures, some appearing twice or even thrice. The Quinn figure laughs)
(After class. Quinn stays behind to talk to Mrs Bennett)
Quinn: I was wondering. How do you solve a problem with many boy... resources?
Mrs Bennett: Glad you asked. You see in real life these type of problems can easily involve hundreds or even thousands of resources. Its not something you'd try and solve on paper.
Quinn: So?
Mrs Bennett: You'd use a computer program.
(Morgendorffer kitchen. The Morgendorffer's are having dinner. Except for Quinn who has her head buried in her hands)
Helen: Quinn. What's wrong? Quinn? (pause) Daria. What's wrong with Quinn?
Daria: Depends. Do you want to hear the long, the extra long, or the full version? (Quinn kicks her leg) Ouch.
Helen: Why don't you tell me the full version. You can do so while you're pealing potatoes.
Daria: You wouldn't.
Helen: Try me.
Daria: (beat) She doesn't have a date for homecoming.
Helen: Yeah right. Now tell me what?s really... Quinn?
Quinn: (takes her hands down) Its not my fault. I asked one of the computer geeks to write me a program for optimum dating. He promised to have it ready two weeks ago, but I only got it yesterday. And when I tried to run it it crashed my computer. So now I don't have a date at all.
Daria: And you didn't even get to start your own dot com.
Jake: Come on Daria. You can't start a company based on a piece of dating software.
Daria: That reminds me. What was it Buzzdome.com was doing?
Jake: Thats different. Noa wanted to... Um...
Helen: Quinn. Even if you don't have a date you can always ask Joey, Jeffy or Jamie.
Quinn: But I can't. They're going with Sandy, Stacy and Tiffany. (whining) Why can't there be 4 J's?
Daria: Yeah. If you had 4 J's you could build your own Kevin.
Helen: You know. I can't believe there are no people left for you to date.
Quinn: Mu-oom. Its in two days. The only people left without a date are people like Daria.
Jake: Girls?
Quinn: No dad. The unpopular.
Daria: Hey. I got a date.
Helen: Come on Quinn. Surely there are worse things than dating someone less popular than you.
Quinn: (beat) Like what?
Daria: Dating your dad?
Jake: Thats an idea. Don't worry kiddo. I'll go with you if no one else will.
Quinn: AAAAAH!!